12/29 - Neuro Followup

Just wanted to let everyone know that Toby had a CT Scan today and a shunt series x-rays to check up on things today.  Everything looked great.  The neurosurgeon said that one of the ventricles is draining more than the other but for now he wasn't worried about it.  We will go back during spring break to do it all again.  Tomorrow we go to the urologist to check up on things there.  I am so tired of Dr Appointments at this point, but am thankful not to get bad news!  I am starting to understand the long road people with Spina Bifida children are always referring to being on.  Night all!

12/27 - First Christmas -Toby is 3 months!

Toby had his first Christmas!  It was fun to have him this year, and I know it will be even more exciting for him next year.  Adam and I got Toby a walker that looks like a hot rod, but to be honest...we haven't even taken it out of the box.  He also got some clothes and a toy for his carrier as well, but I didn't wrap them!  I know I'm terrible...but it seemed like a waste for him to not be able to open...does that make me a bad mom??  Don't answer that!  I have to say that just having him there is the most special part of a baby's first Christmas.  I can always look back and know that he was there, he was happy, and most of all he was healthy.  The three of us went to Mom and Dad's house for Christmas Eve and the night after.  It really felt like a vacation :)  Mom and Dad gave Toby a little hand-made wooden train that one of our members had made and donated to the bazaar.  I thought it was so neat!  Mom also had a blanket that she had bought for me at the bazaar while she was expecting me.  Great idea Mom!

I can't believe it has been 3 months (tomorrow).  As you can see in the pic he is growing so fast.  He is really holding his head up so well now!  ECI has been working with us.  A therapist came to the house and played with Toby the other day.  It really seems like Toby is keeping up with all of his development.  I am so proud of him.  Right now there isn't anything slowing him down.  Our biggest obstacle at the moment is just keeping his casts from sliding off!  His feet are getting so straight that they keep popping right off.  Toby will go have another round of Dr visits this week.  He has a CT scan and an appointment witht he neuro-surgeon on Tues.  I'll let you know how it goes.  By the way...Adam got a flip video camera for Christmas so we will try to do a video blog starring the little charmer soon!  Happy Holidays to everyone!

12/4 Feeling Blessed

Last week we went to Covenant and had urodynamics done.  This was a test where they put a catheter in the patient and fill them up with water.  Then they monitor the pressure given when the patient releases the water.  We did this test because the Dr wanted to make sure Toby was capable of releasing all of his urine and that we weren't putting hid kidneys at risk if it wasn't.  The test was horrible.  Toby was tough through it, but the nurse doing the cath couldn't get it in.  So it turned a one hour procedure into a three hour ordeal.  While we were down in radiology the people working on him seemed like they were confused.  It felt like what was happening had never happened before.  They called the Dr. and asked if this was normal.  Unfortunately, when I asked the nurse if things were bad she would only tell me "The Dr will read your report and give you the results"  so I left with a heavy heart.  

I have been really worried about it since it seemed like it didn't go well.  Bad results would mean that we would go ahead and start putting in a cath on a daily basis and I am just not ready for that.  I really freaked out yesterday when they said they read the report and they want to talk about it next week.  I felt like there was urgency to it.  Today I called and basically begged them to just let me know what was going on.  They finally agreed that they would have the Dr call me.  He did.  It was really a blessing because he told me that he just thinks Toby has a small bladder, but that he looked good.  He also said that the technician that usually does these tests in radiology was not there, so the guy doing it really didn't know what to expect.  I was so thankful.  I guess I need to have more faith :)  

Toby is doing so good.  He has started cooing and smiling...a lot!  He is very social and happy.  Yesterday we went to the Pediatrician and he weighed 10 lb 13 oz.  He had grown in length 5 inches since his birth.  He had 3 shots and he didn't even cry!  I am so thankful to have such a good baby!

11/9 - Six Weeks!

Can you believe it has been six weeks?  We went to Lubbock today for another Dr appointment.  This time it was mine and not Toby's.  Everything went great.  Toby and I also stopped by to say hello to Dr. Atkinson and his staff (this was the Dr that found the defect in Toby's spine)  They were glad to see him.  Toby's casts are not near as dreadful as I had feared.  They are kind of just like little boots that can't come off.  He was fussy the first night he had them on, but no complaints after that.  Tonight I will take them off, give Toby a nice bath, and we'll go tomorrow for new ones.  The glue they use isn't quite as strong as a normal cast, so with some tugging I should be able to unwrap them (I do have permission :)). 

By the way...do you like the blog makeover?  Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  I think it is the weather, the family, the good food, and it's also my birthday.  So of course I had to give my blog some turkey flair!  I wanted to know what everyone was thankful for this year.  Post what you are thankful for in a comment.  Here are some things I am thankful for this year!

1)  I am so thankful I am not living in an RV anymore!

2) I am thankful that God gave me a child to love.

3) I am thankful for my husband, family, and friends.

4) I am thankful that I have a job that I can enjoy everyday instead of dreading.

5) I am thankful that I am NOT related to balloon boy's dad.  haha

6)  Thankful a new dishwasher is on its way! (mine is worthless)

Please share yours!

11/4 - Precasting

This is Toby in his pumpkin outfit for Halloween.  My goodness he is growing so fast!  His face changes everyday.  He is starting to give a little semi-smile when he is entertained.  I've seen him do it once for his Grammy and then he does it a lot for Adam....but he has yet to do it for me :(  I guess I'm not entertaining enough.  Really though he is doing great.  Tomorrow I am taking Toby to the Southwest Rehab Center.  He is getting his first series of casts to correct his clubbed feet.  This will be about a 3 month process.  I sure hope it goes fast!  I am grateful though because it is really not as long as I thought it would be.  The goal is to give Toby a nice flat foot for walking, or to fit into a brace to aide walking.  The ortho really thinks he will be able to be mobile with the help of braces so we want to get him ready!  Also, I have to brag on Toby.  He has been sleeping through the night!  I am so proud of him.  This will help so much when I go back to work if he keeps it up.  I am going back on the 16th.  Mixed feelings about that of course, but I do think it will be good to start mixing in a little of my old life.  I think the casting procedure will be harder on the parents than it will be on Toby (since he doesn't really know he has legs yet) so pray that I'll be a big girl.  Night all!

10/27- Doctor visit

Just wanted to let everyone know that I took Toby to checkup with the Neurosurgeon.  Everything looked great and we don't have to go back for 10 weeks!  Yay!  Also, a good friend of mine from the past was working as his receptionist.  Love it!  Have a good night everybody.

10/24 - Milestones

8 years ago today I carved a pumpkin.  Haha!  There really is a lot more to it than that.  We carved pumpkins at youth eight years ago today.  Of course like any of my artistic ventures mine stunk!  It probably fell in the middle.  After that Adam asked me to be his girlfriend.  I remembered this today and I thought it seemed special because today is also the one week milestone of us being at home.  Who knew we would be here.  I can truly say life has made me very happy!  Time really flies.  Toby is really doing well.  One thing I can say for sure is thank goodness I live in the same town as my mommy!  He got to meet a lot of family this weekend and it is so fun to show my baby off :)  We also had our first pediatrician appointment yesterday.  When you are in the NICU you have a neonatologist instead of a pedi so you don't meet up with them until after you are discharged.  Dr. Hanson is Toby's Dr. now and I felt really good about everything.  He is up to 7 lb 11 oz so we know he is really holding onto his calories.  Yesterday was also the first day I took Toby out.  We also went out today (to Mom's house).  It is nice to get out of the house, but I am really trying to keep him out of public areas.  

I really must say what a gift it is to be able to hold your baby in your arms.  Things for us are so normal now...but I can't help but to remember all the families in the NICU and wonder if they are still there.  My mom's cousin had their baby on Aug 10th (24 week gestation baby)...and they are still there.  This makes my three weeks there seem like a brief moment.  As a new mother I try to remember how lucky we are to be doing so well when we are up in all hours of the night :)   I am so glad we made it to this point.  Now if Toby can only figure out what nighttime is and that Mama needs some sleep :)  I also just want to say how blessed I feel being a part of this community.  So many have been generous with visits and dinners.  I feel spoiled and loved...and I do believe these feelings are good ones!  Thanks to everyone who has been such a great help!

10/17 - We Are Home!

Here is our sweet Toby in his carseat!  What an exciting day.  We got to come home today.  Of course it feels wonderful.  Thank you all so much for the prayers and support while we were in Lubbock.  We woke up this morning, finished getting ourselves out of the RV (it felt like we were moving), and were dismissed from the NICU around 10:30 am.  We were home before noon.  Even though we had to stay forever, I really feel comfortable with Toby's health at home, which was really important to both of us before we got here.  Today we were definitely tired, but I think tomorrow will  bring a new day and we can start finding our rhythm.  I remember the day when I found out Toby would have some problems.  I remember feeling so lost and hopeless at the thoughts of all the surgeries and pain he would have to go through.  I have worried about it everyday for the past six or so months.  I finally feel like we are through with the tough part.  I finally feel like I can let that go.  I can start enjoying this and feeling normal.  I know Toby will have more procedures in the future, and that there will be harder days than some, but I know the toughest part is behind us.  I know we could not have done it without our God and the prayers that he heard.  Love you all... We are going to bed !

10/14 - Due Date :)

Today is my due date...and I must say...I am so thankful I am not having a baby today!  I am also so thankful I am no longer pregnant.  I can tie my shoes with ease, bend over, walk without waddling, and I can go all night without using the restroom!  So now that I have that over - to the good stuff!  Toby is doing so well.  It seems like he is feeling so much better.  He can move around now and lay in different positions so I know that is more comfortable for him.  He can also be held again...I am sure you know how happy that makes both of us.  It is so good to see him better.  They are telling us we might be able to go home on Friday or Saturday.  Not holding my breath, but it sure will be nice if it happens!  Thanks for all your prayers, they are really paying off. 

10/11 - Finally....An update!

By popular request...here are some pictures that have me in them.  The top one is a family picture one of the nurses took for us.  It hangs on Toby's bed.  I love it!  The second one is a picture of me holding Toby for the very first time.  It is from when he was four days old.  I think this picture is one of my happiest moments ever!  When I see how bruised and red his back is here it is unbelievable.  It looks so good now!  They took the stitches out yesterday.  Today is Toby's 14th day in the NICU.  It is my 20th day here at the hospital.  There is no doubt that I am tired, frustrated, ready to be home, and everything else.   However, there is no QUIT with a baby in NICU, so we just keep going.  The past few days have been a lot of waiting.  Toby has the drain in his head and can't turn his head to the other side.  I can't hold him for now, and that is of course hard too. He's sick of laying in one position for five days straight.  The only thing that satisfies me is that I know he will not remember any of this.  Besides his frustrations he is the sweetest baby.  He loves his bottles and feeding times.  He wiggles around and shows off his strength.  He pretty much can stand up on his feet (ha ha I know that sounds impossible...but its true) I can't wait for you all to meet this special person!  Toby's hydrocephalus is borderline between being controlled and needing a shunt.  So this is why we have been waiting and observing.  Today we monitored the Inter-Cranial Pressure and I think Dr. Nagy has finally decided to shunt him.  Even though we would prefer not to have one...we are okay with this decision.   We are still waiting to find out the exact plan and what time his surgery will be.  The one thing we know is that it will be sometime tomorrow (mon).  Waiting for surgery is terrible, and I think that is the worst part.  I am trying not to think about it yet, but of course it weighs heavily on my mind.  Please pray for us and Toby.  I know he won't remember these days, but I feel so terrible that he has to go through everything he's dealing with.  I think they will run antibiotics for 72 hours after surgery and then if he is doing good we should get to come home.  I am hoping that by the end of this week we will be back.  :)  Pray for that too!  

10/7 - Setbacks

I went in to feed Toby this morning and the circumference of his head had increased quite a bit since the day before.  Also, the fact that fluid was coming out of the incision threw up some red flags.  Dr. Nagy said he knew it was time to get rid of the fluid.  Toby had an external drain put in his head today.  He didn't put in a shunt yet because he is at risk to an infection because of the fluid that had been coming out at the incision site on his back.  So for now the drain allows the fluid to come out in a tube.  If he goes three days infection free Dr. Nagy will put in the permanent shunt.  It has been such a long and emotional day.  I fed Toby at 10am and then they would not allow him to eat because he was going into surgery.  They took him to surgery around 6pm.  That is 8 hours of an infant not eating.  I held him in my arms and he cried for 2 hours.  It was so hard and it felt abusive.  I was so relieved when he came out of his surgery and he immediately wanted off the ventilator.  He is so tough!  They have him sedated for now, but when he wakes up he can eat.  They will keep him pretty out of it for the next three days.  They want him to stay calm and quiet.  He can't turn his head over and lay on the side the drain is on.  This is a challenge with Toby since he loves to maneuver himself around his bed.  He turns his head side to side all day.  The nurses will really have to watch him.  It is a bit disturbing for their to be a tube in coming out of his head.  It is hard for us to see, and I can't imagine what it is like for him.  I am waiting for their call that he has woken up.  I will be so happy to know he has had something to eat.  I know we will have to do all of this again soon, but I also know it is part of what he needs.  Going home Friday is now a lost idea.  We will just start hoping for next Friday.  I won't lie it is so disappointing to not be going home.  This is our 16th day here, and I miss home.  Please pray that Toby does not already have an infection and that he won't get one.  

10/5 - Another Day

Greetings from the parking lot!  We had a good/confusing day.  I saw Dr. Nagy (neurosurgeon) first thing this morning and he said everything looked good.  Then I saw Dr. Sutter (neonatologist) and she thought his head looked swollen.  ????  Then this evening my nurse did the measurement and it was the same it has been the past three days.  So who knows.  As far as I know...things are good.  Toby also had some renal tests ran today.  People with S.B. tend to have bladder/bowel issues so he has a urologist and he wanted to see what was going on down there.  We haven't heard anything back yet as to what the thinks.  I got to feed Toby "the natural way" today.  It was very special.  They took him off of his food restriction so he was very satisfied to eat that way plus get more from a bottle.  We could not even get him up for his 9 pm feeding.  He seemed so happy and comfortable when I left a second ago.  A small concern is Toby has developed a little sleep apnea.  His oxygen drops during his deep sleep so they say he stops breathing for a few moments and then starts back up again.  They said its not a huge thing to worry about unless his heart-rate starts to drop.  So here are my prayer requests:  hydrocephalus stays controlled, apnea problem goes away so that we can come home Friday, and that urology report comes back good.  Also, there are so many parents in NICU that I have been thinking about.  I always wonder if they have the same support system we have.  I hope that they do, but I always want to lift them up as well.  As always thank you for lifting Toby up in prayer.  Night all!

10/3 - Toby's Progress

Every day it seems as though Toby is getting more and more comfortable.  We got some great news today.  They did another ultrasound of Toby's brain.  Based off of how he is doing now he is classified as having controlled hydrocephalus which means he will not need a shunt.  YAY!  PRAISE GOD!  WOO HOO!  He has a little bulge on his forehead that we will be watching.  We can now lay him on his side, and we are starting to elevate his head  a little at a time.  The doctor says if he continues to look like he does now then we will possibly go home at the end of this upcoming week.  This is so exciting because nobody has mentioned home since we have been here.  Besides the good news it has been wonderful holding and loving our little one.  Toby just loves to be held and I love to just sit and rub his little back and his soft head.  Adam and I have been doing so good.  We are very comfortable in the RV and we are getting some good rest.  Toby is on an eating schedule where he eats at 9, 1, and 5 every am and pm.  We enjoy going to see him at these times.  We are starting to get some visitors and I have enjoyed showing off my sweet one with pictures.  Tonight we went to my aunt's house for dinner.  I am blessed with such a great family and I have been taken care of by everyone!  I must say I that I am really learning so much about faith.  This has been the theme of my life for the past six months.  God has given me everything I have asked for.  I really figured Toby would have to be shunted, but God is taking care of him.  He falls in 20% of infants with spina bifida that don't need one.  That is awesome!  Thank you all for your prayers.  Not only is it a blessing to Toby, but it is teaching two new parents a whole lot about the Lord.  

10/1 - Being Released

Because of the pending surgery I was not able to sleep.  When we woke up we were waiting to hear back the results of the ultrasound.  Dr. Nagy did not think the hydrocephalus was bad enough to shunt today.  However, he still feels like it will need to happen and said "maybe tomorrow."  They said it is probably bound to happen it is just a timing issue as to when.  They don't want to put in a shunt if there isn't enough fluid to drain.  So I ended up just being exhausted all day long.  It was probably the worst day since we've been here.  All the nurses Toby has had so far were off and we had a new set.  I wasn't exactly pleased with the way everything was handled.  I learned today that you have to speak up!  The night nurse was great though and everything tonight has gone really well.  By the way....I got to hold Toby today!  It was the most amazing feeling.  He felt so sweet in my arms. I finally felt like I was  a mother.  I know he enjoyed it just as much as I did.  It was hard to put him down.  We are doing his feedings in our laps now.  They lay a pillow down and he lays on his stomach and we feed that way.  I was released today and we moved out into the parking lot.  It is really nice and we think we will be really comfortable.  It was such a relief to not have to leave him.  Lindsey came over to help get us settled in, and Dad helped get us some things to help make it feel like home.  It is killing me that Lindsey and Jacob are not able to see the baby.  They have each seen him once.  I know Lindsey saw him right after surgery... I wish she could see the progress he has made.  It is unbelievable.  Patience is a rotten fruit.  Dad got a lot of pictures printed off of his camera.  It was really sweet...I think new parents need something to show off.  It is also fun to lay them out and look at him.  Toby is really getting his schedule down.  He eats at 9, 1, and 5 ams and pms.  Adam did the 1 o'clock feeding, and I just got back from the 5.  Toby was awake and patiently sucking his passie when I walked in.  He ate with his eyes open (which he usually doesn't open).  They are dark and gorgeous.  Well I had better put myself back to bed.  Dr. Nagy is coming by in the morning. If he feels the head has grown we are doing surgery tomorrow (I guess today now).  I know it is only a matter of time.  Thanks for your prayers and keep them coming.  Toby could have a very long day!  I promise to put a picture soon!

9/30 - Progress

 We were really busy today.  When we went down the occupational therapist was waiting on us.  She showed us some foot stretches that we started on Toby's clubbed feet.  She was really sweet and encouraging.  She thinks that they will need surgery eventually, but assured us that they will get to a normal angle.  She had some students with her as well and they had just finished learning all about clubbed feet and encouraged us as well.  She also told us Toby would be signed up for Early Childhood Intervention for his physical therapy.  She said they come to your house and work with you there until the are three.  We were excited to get started.  We also had to go to carseat class.  I know it seems pretty obvious how to use a carseat but I think it was good.  Well...it was for Adam anyway, my drugs prevented me from paying attention too well in a class (lol).  Toby's feedings went great today.  He was actually a little more awake during one of them and looked us over pretty good.  Usually in his feedings he just keeps his eyes shut and eats.  Tomorrow is another day.  Both our day and night nurses are off so we hope we get good ones to take care of him (I'm sure they are all wonderful...you just get comfortable).  In the morning the are going to do an ultrasound to check out the hydrocephalus situation.  If it is obvious it is there they will also do a CT scan and then Toby will get his shunt at 2pm.  His head did measure a little bigger today so I feel like its going to happen.  We are okay with this...and have expected this all along.  We of course hate the idea of surgery, but this procedure is not near as unknown and scary as the first one he had Monday.  This shunt will also take pressure off his back and help him heal.  We will also not have to worry about elevation once he has it so hopefully this means holding him soon.  I am also probably going to be released tomorrow.  We are borrowing an RV and will get to stay close.  So much stress I had about this day is gone and I am so grateful.  Please pray that things keep falling into place for us.  

9/29: Learning, waiting, watching

"I made you and I will care for you"  - Isaiah 46:4

Here is my sweet little baby! He is so precious.  When we went in Tues morning they were taking him off the ventilator.  He looks very calm while resting and recovering from surgery.  We are really watching the spinal fluid and hydrocephalus.  If it does not appear to absorb itself Dr. Nagy will have to put in a shunt.  60-80% of SB needs them.  Dr. Nagy says it could take a day or two to know, or it could take weeks.  I am still praying we don't need one.  The bible verse above really says it all.  God is in control.  He will take care of our baby.  So many things have gone our way so far so I keep telling myself to hope for the best, but be prepared for it if it happens.  Toby's back looks better and better every time I see it.  He lays on his stomach and rests.  He had his first feeding today.  Right now we can't hold him so we turn him on his side and he lays there while eating.  The nurses are great and are working with Adam and I.  They are teaching us how to handle him and let us care for a lot of his needs ourselves.  We changed his diaper, took his temperature, doctored his umbilical chord, and fed him all on our own.  Around 6:00 we went and gave him his first bath.  He didn't get to have one yesterday.  He smells so good!  Adam and I are really working together.  It take both of us to feed him.  Can you imagine burping a baby laying on its side with a back injury?   Working as a team is really helping.  Dr. Nagy came in last night and looked at his head.  He predicts we will need a shunt, but it just might take awhile for the fluid to accumulate enough for us to know.  Please keep the situation in your prayers.  I am loving being a new mom.  It is hard of course but I have so much help and a good husband.  I'm dying to hold him of coarse, but I am still so thankful everything went good that I refuse to get upset about it.  We had a great day.  I pushed it a little bit so I stayed in all night.  Adam went down to the 2:00am feeding and he said Toby was doing great and eating great.  It has really not set in with me that the worst part of all of this is over.  I keep waiting for the bad news.  Thank you God for taking such good care of us!

9/28 - Happy Birthday Toby Lewis!

Today Toby was born and let me tell you he is perfect.  He is 6 lbs 4 oz, 19 inches, and arrived at 11:44.  He has dark hair and dark eyes.  He also has long eyelashes like Adam.  His birth went exactly as planned.  I was so nervous about the c-section but there was really nothing to it.  He came out with a good set of lungs too.  There really is no way to explain what it's like to become parents or hearing your baby cry for the first time.  I didn't get to hold him because your arms are tied down for the c-section, but they did get him bundled and let Adam hold him.  

It was a very long day.  Toby had his defect repaired.  He finally went back to surgery at 8:00pm and the doctors came out around 11:30pm.  Dr. Nagy was here neurosurgeon and there was also a plastic surgeon named Patricia Aldrige.  They both really complimented each other's work when they came out to let us know Toby's surgery went well.  This surgery was amazing to say the least.  I would not believe the before and after was the same baby if I had not witnessed it with my own eyes.  Dr. Nagy came in and told us that the surgery was a success.  They were able to use Toby's own skin, and did not have to cut skin off another place.  He said there was one nerve (controlling the left knee) that might not have made it, but the rest seemed good.  Toby made us proud by having several wet diapers too.  This was something we did not know would be able to happen or not.  He is also a feisty fellow and already strong. He lays on his belly and lifts his hiney up in the air using his legs.  He has really been showing us what he can do.  His nurses say he's doing his "booty bounce" but whatever you want to call it he is sure giving his parents more hope than ever.  There has been so much prayer surrounding this child.  We have really felt them.  I don't see how anyone can go through these things without a foundation in God.  When we pray for one another we take a piece of those worries away for our family in Christ.  There is not anything in this world bigger than God.  I just want to say thankyou to everyone for the love you have shown our son.  I can't wait until we are home and you can meet him.  

9/27 - The Night Before...

Okay so I'm not going to say much.  Yes we are nervous, anxious, excited, praying, wondering, curious....etc.  I just can't wait to see him.  We were both saying that it scares us too...not knowing what to expect with the defect.  I told Adam we would concentrate on his sweet little face :)  We went down to the NICU today.  Adam said it was a reality check.  I am just thankful that the nurses down there seem so amazing.  They have way more experience taking care of babies like ours than I do.  They showed me Toby's "little" room.  I say little because it is a very small little room with a sliding glass door.  Just big enough for his little bed and a couple of people.  They asked me his name and wrote it on the board in there, which made me feel like he was special :)  You get used to all the little babies and all their equipment quick.  You can hear all the respirators going away.  So here is what I can expect...Toby will have a feeding tube in his nose.  This is how he will get his feedings from birth until after he is doing well after the surgery.  He shouldn't need a respirator until the surgery.  He'll be on one then and then they will take him off when he wakes up.  They also said there could be another line in his umbilical chord but I absolutely can't remember what that one would be for.  I know it will be a long day tomorrow, and I'm sure I'll have my moments.  I am trying to focus on the joy of the occasion and how excited I am and not about everything that could go wrong.  Please pray for us more now than ever.  Night!

9/26-Catching UP

Wow! I am already falling behind on my job.  Yesterday was a tough day because I was sick.  I guess I caught a 24 hour stomach bug in the hospital.  Today is much better though.  I had a sonogram on Thursday and everything was still looking fine.  We have still been monitoring twice a day.  All the nurses say it seems to take him a little while to get going but I think they just catch him during his naps.  The NICU educator came by yesterday and visited with me.  It makes me nervous, but talking about it helped a little.  He answered a lot of questions I had about feeding and bonding that I had some concerns with.  We were suppose to go down there and look around too but they had a baby come in yesterday that they had to work on and it just never happened.  Maybe we will get to go today.  I am so thankful for my doctors.  Dr. Atkinson came by yesterday and we had a good discussion.  I had been getting pretty anxious about everything (since all I have to do is sit here and think about it).  We talked about trusting God.  

I got a 3 hour pass yesterday.  We went to eat and I got a pedicure.  Eating wasn't too great since I had been sick, but the pedicure and the company was awesome!  I get to go again tonight.  I am really looking forward to it because I actually feel like eating this time :)  Thank you for all of your prayers and sweet comments.  Please pray for my ability to understand God is control and that he will see us through all of this.  Also, we ran into Russell Casillas this week and his baby was born really early and is in the NICU here.  He said their baby would be here for six weeks at least.  My thoughts have been with them and wanted you all to lift them up in prayer as well.  

9-23-09: Visiting Today

What a fast day!  I have not even had time to be bored as I have had many stop by to say hello.  It's so fun to sit and visit without being busy thinking of work...having a baby...surgeries...etc.  Thanks to everyone who got to come by :) God has blessed us with a calming sense right now.  No new news today.  Just another steroid shot and monitoring.  We are suppose to go visit the NICU tomorrow just to check things out.  I hope every day goes by this fast and Monday will be here in no time!

9-22-09: Going to the Hospital

Unfortunately....facebook is blocked up here at the hospital.  I can post status updates on my phone and view your responses and messages through email, but you facebookers know that just isn't enough!!!  You all have been so wonderful to us and your prayers have lifted us up and are working.  I wanted to be able to share what's going on (I'm so bad about making phone calls) so I'll try to post some information everyday.  Keep in mind I am a math teacher so writing may not be perfect!

Today was a true test!  I came to the hospital thinking we would have a baby here within 1 day.  Every time I think I am in control I get reminded of who's boss.  Toby's fluid had meconium in it (which is the baby's first bowel movement).  Usually this doesn't happen until after birth, but because S.B. can sometimes come with bathroom issues...his is early.  As a result the tests they run for lung development can be inaccurate.  We had two tests and one showed they were ready, and one did not.  Since we have no way of knowing which one is right the Dr.'s feel it is best to wait until Monday.  There is also the whole meconium issue.  They have told me the baby is safe as long as there are not signs of distress.  So...they are keeping me in the hospital so that they can monitor him twice a day.  They are also giving us another round of steroids to speed up lung development.  

I really thought I would be so angry about this, but we really feel an acceptance about waiting.  We want Toby to have the best chance he can, and he is already going to be faced with so much upon his arrival.  God is working in us and for us.  We feel so blessed to have such loving family and friends.  I am trying to be like Joshua, and understand that God's way is so much easy than our own way.  The hospital is not too bad.  I can get out and look around if I want as long as I don't leave.  I know the rest is good (today is the first day I am not hurting!). The nurses also said I can get a pass from my Dr.'s and maybe go out to eat or something for a couple hours.  I might try to do that tomorrow :)  Time to get myself ready for bed.  More tomorrow...